A Drop in the Ocean

I’m the “are you good?” friend. I can’t tell you guys how many times I’ve annoyed men at the club by asking my girls that question.

Random moments of silence make me anxious. So I make eye contact and ask him “what’s on your mind?”.

The one day a year I can call mine, I’ll walk around my birthday party asking people “are you having a good time?”.

Being this type of person can be so fulfilling yet so draining. I’ve seen people half empty, carrying other people's baggage.

I’ve seen weight in tons on people who weigh in pounds.

Sometimes I feel the need to be that person.

Now I’m just learning to be that person for myself.

One of my favorite TV shows is Peaky Blinders on Netflix. I don’t want to spoil the show for anyone but there is a moment in the later seasons in which the main character who seems to have it all was told: “ you’re living like a little boy who snuck in through the window”. Like the character Tommy Shelby, a lot of us will find reasons to continuously overwork our minds instead of just resting and soaking in all the good. Whether it feels like it or not, you’re the main character in your life. It’s your plot, your side characters, your point of view and your conflicts. So let’s start acting like it.

I want us to start taking up more space in this life, humbly yet unapologetically.

I want to get rid of the need of “fitting in” because it’s not only an ideology. It’s a literal box we feel the need to fit into.

length x width x height

God didn’t create this huge and fascinating world for us to squeeze ourselves into a box. We are more than worthy enough to pour out more than we take in. When I listen to my friends and give them advice I feel like both the smartest person and the dumbest person I know. Also, the kindest person yet the cruelest person there is. Due to the fact I don’t give myself the same courtesy, the same acceptance.

Accepting to take yourself out the box is the first step. I can’t tell you what the next steps are because I’m assuming they're different for everyone. Honestly, I think I just don’t know what the next steps are.

I’m not the jealous type.

I always thought it was because of my self-confidence but maybe it’s just my laziness to add enviousness to a list of unwanted feelings.

However, there is one thing I’m envious of, the ocean.

She takes up as much space as she likes.

The ocean crashes unapologetically and makes sounds as she pleases. Awkward silence doesn’t scare her, on the contrary you hear her even louder then. She is full of mysteries. She is soft yet she cannot be broken. Imagine being able to fearlessly dive deeper into our own depths.

Think of a world in which your rough edges are soft. A world in which waves carry you along with all you come with. A reality where you are the infinite sky’s selfless mirror. A place where you can whisper your secrets to the wind and not worry where they end up. Why wouldn’t you choose to be addicted to the calmness? When in the ocean, the wet chlothes and the sand between your toes don’t bother you, so why ever leave?

Let's become who we were always meant to be, the ocean, taking up space proud and whole.

If everything I’ve just said sounds crazy or a little too Walmart version of Shakespeare-ish, let’s just start small.

Just be your own seashell, carry yourself close to your heart and listen. Listen to the melodies of your seashell and you will remember the ocean.

But what do I know? I’m just a girl sharing her manière de vivre...