Airplanes

Take a trip down memory lane with me will you?

First Stop

I don’t even know if you remember this, but a little while back I saw you for the first time in a long time at a lounge with your new friends. We tried our best not to make eye contact or honestly even acknowledge each other’s presence out of pettiness. I socialized with your friends more than usual to make sure I somehow controlled the conversation to exclude you. We walked past each other a few times more than needed to remind each other of the fact we weren’t on speaking terms. But that moment our jokester of a friend cracked that joke, everyone around us laughed. And you and I, we ended up laughing in each other’s direction because once upon a time that’s all we knew. I did that little smile and eye roll thing I always do and you replied with that funny thing you do with your face to make me laugh. That was it, that’s all we shared that night. But at that moment I forgot all about all our arguments and remembered this feeling of being with my best friend. I missed my person.

Second Stop

I was doing my weekly shopping at Trader Joe’s in my oversized bleach stained hoodie, not long enough sweatpants  and with my black socks in Nike slides combo when I heard our song. “Can we pretend that airplanes in the night stars are like shooting stars” was playing from a random throwback playlist on Spotify. I closed my eyes and just smiled. Now that I think of it the people in that grocery store must’ve thought I was a crazy woman, the outfit didn’t help.  In that moment my mind was flooded with our good memories, not the phone call I received the night of your car accident. But the dance parties on FaceTime, laughing until our stomachs hurt and the random races we would have in even more random parking lots. Not because it didn’t hurt anymore but the least I could do for all you’ve ever done for me is remember the light of a person you were.

Third Stop…

My friend and I were watching Love is Blind on Netflix a few nights ago when I caught myself smiling a few times .It reminded me of how fast and how deeply we fell for each other. The "unexplainable" feeling the people on tv were talking about, I knew all about. I got to experience for the first time someone making a home out of my heart.  For a while I was all that mattered to you and you were all to me. I never thanked you that night under the stars at the beach. Not only for the beautiful surprise it was but for the calm and peace you made me feel that night. And now I have all these movie-like memories from our time together that I get to keep as I love you from a distance.

That's enough stops and oversharing for tonight, let’s head back. 

Location: The Studio, By Leyla

The feeling of missing something or someone is a beautiful thing.

We spend a lot of time wanting to experience this thing or person again and not enough time recognizing the blessing of having something or someone to miss. 

After our monthly rant session last night, a friend told me I’m a bit too good at goodbyes. I’m not sure if she meant it as a good thing or not but I still smiled . I felt the most unexpected feeling of gratitude at that moment. Almost all the goodbyes I've said (out loud or not) came out with a whisper of "thank you". 

Maybe I’m just delusional. But for you to be able to relate to a heartbreak song, it means you were once smiling ear to ear through love songs. Don’t forget that.

That anticipated smile you have when someone says “Remember when” before they even tell the story. The “take me back” you get to share with a picture. The Snapchat yearly memories that you might not want to share but will still cherish. 

“Endings” are tricky especially because they don’t come with amnesia. It would've been easier if it did.

So let’s make this thing called life a bit easier when we can; just find and remember the good in all things.

I did this pretty corny thing back in December in Dakar but I’m glad I did. I threw a coin in the ocean just so I know it’s out there but I won’t get it back. There is so much comfort knowing that it’s out in this big universe and that it was once mine to hold. 

Omg maybe a fish choked on it. 

I’m such a “trust the journey”  person so I really can’t afford to only see the bye in goodbyes. 

But what do I know I’m just a girl sharing her maniere de vivre….